Why am I finding this so difficult to write? To capture in physical form the thoughts,insights that just an hour ago flowed like a dry wash during a summer monsoon?
I just want to clear, dig and remove the GARBAGE from my S/C mind!
I like to look at the bright side of everything-in fact, a habit practiced on purpose. Sometimes (many times) an annoyance to others! I really thought the “clutter,” etc.,had been cleared from these hidden areas of my mind with practices, tools, insights and spiritual opportunities: but, I guess now is another opportunity to dig down further.
My recently renewed intention to observe how I REALLY speak to MYSELF from deep in my
S/C mind brought results! Results that reverberate through my being. Concurrently, I began paying attention to the feelings that I experienced when I woke up. Actually these thoughts and feelings surfaced during the last 3-4 hours of the night-early morning—I was not sure if I was dreaming or awake. Anyway they “chased me down the labyrinths of my mind”( Hounds of Heaven). No escaping so— Miss Pollyanna here had to accept that yes—I do ,at times,feel miserable, stressed, sick, tired, resentful, angry, sorry, sad, fearful, sometimes lonesome—and impotent to change anything! These thoughts,images have tortured me for several days. All my tools to spiral up failed me!
Then an—Aha! Moment!
I finally realized-just recognize,accept and let go! (once again)
Do you suppose these unwanted emotion are like our screaming inner child having a tantrum to be acknowledged-to be loved anyway-to be soothed and comforted that this too shall pass?
And we will once again be like today’s Headlines about the landing of spacecraft, Juno.
“JUNO FOCUSES ON SEEING PAST THE CLOUDY ATMOSPHERE”
Does that make any sense at all?
I also got an email with a picture of a young woman who has been battling liver cancer, having surgery after surgery. Her picture radiated joy as she received her Masters Degree in Public Health—so inspiring! Also inspiring is the 104 year old woman ,in a wheelchair, receiving her college diploma!
I know all these wonderful things are happening: but, now, you know, I am just going to hug my Inner child and say, it is ok honey,it is just part of being human and feeling these feelings and being able to feel more compassion for others and empathize with others more. And myself also!
I really think that is part of the purpose!